The Biggest Realisation I Have Ever Had

When I was younger, at high school, I experienced extreme episodes of depression. If you have read The Temple of Consciousness, my first book, you will know about my bipolar disorder and Aspergian nature, the two black flamingos in the pool of my genes. Well, this troublesome period of my youth brought about the biggest realisation I have ever had.

In my lonely and depressive moments in the horrible evenings of my youth, aside from thoughts of committing suicide, I thought about the idea of time. It was a method to bypass the depression phase of my bipolarity, which proved to be successful sometimes but not always. Anyhow, as I thought, the human concept of time was doubtful to me. For me, the idea of time was a cloud in the sky and not the clear blue sky itself.

Back then, I was also studying physics, mathematics, chemistry, and biology, and my school week was full of concepts related to these lessons. Moreover, in the afternoons, after school, and at lunch, my parents sent me for extra private tuition from qualified teachers to learn more extensive and detailed concepts in physics and mathematics. At that age, I did not have the mental power to oppose any of my teachers and claim, “hey there is no such thing as time”. They probably would have laughed at my idea, argued against it, or rejected it automatically as an incorrect model.

Why? Why do you think that people follow scientific ideas? Because they are placed inside a beautiful and elegant model called “a theory”. No matter whether they doubt the concept or consider the claims and predictions of the model as absolutely crazy nonsense, people honour the scientists behind those theories with Nobel prizes and other decorations and labels like geniuses.

At the time, I was not labelled such a genius, and nobody would have agreed with my model. I was just a depressed 16-year old, who started using beer as the only ‘therapy’ of mind during my transmission from the depressive to the manic phase. I knew that what was happening to me was the same thing that had made my mother terribly sick, ruined both mentally and physically earlier in my life, when I was just 6 years old. She described the experience as “coming back from hell”. 

However, at the sensitive age of 16, and with the first appearance in my brain of bipolar, I didn’t have the mental power to fight against an enemy unknown to me, a devil leading me towards death by suicide. My mother was taking medicine available in that era, but I was such a good actor that no one from my family or my school noticed the monstrous brain chemistry anomaly I was suffering from. The only thing people noticed is that I became skeletal because I couldn’t eat normally. Every time I ate, I would vomit. In my last year of high school, my classmates used to call me “the skeleton”. Looking back, I really wonder how I survived. I wonder how I managed to return from hell.

I do remember that to beat my depression, I applied my patent method of silently questioning myself about a specific subject. From sports to time and politics, the agenda was always open, but time was my favourite subject to deal with. I gave myself answers to my own questions, discovered new elements of life, and saw new dimensions to things and beings, one after the other.

Later, I discovered that any idea, if it’s not placed in a wonderful model and backed by the name of a famous or well-known scientist, has zero chances of being published or read by anyone. But even then, I was privileged in mind to realise that whatever I theorise or write is for my own profit. I still use the same method of questioning myself — the only difference is that in my books, I write my results of the new spiritual treasures I gained from diving into the deep oceans of my mind. So, I am the number one reader who has benefited from my writings and my books, and if some else has benefitted as well, then that is okay, but I never openly campaign for readers, and nor will I cry if someone dislikes my ideas, or my writing, or both. 

My neutralisation gets stronger and stronger day after day. Simultaneously, my Asperger’s nature becomes generously and astonishing wild. Not the initial wild phase like when I was young, but wild in the mature phase. As such, the distance that separates me from the rest of this species is getting bigger and bigger every day thanks to my questioning, learning, and theorising. 

As I grow in age and spiritual experiences, having lost and won myriads of battles and achieved tremendous feats in my personal development, I realised the key thing: everything we achieve is for our own profit exclusively. No one else realizes, sees, or truly cares what we are doing in our own area of evolution and expansion. So, strive to evolve for your own personal profits. Strive to better yourself, for yourself.